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Ah, the loyal customer. The one who has been purchasing from us for five whole years and, because of that, firmly believes they have ascended beyond normal customer status into some sort of VIP royalty tier where rules no longer apply to them.

Because, of course, what is five years of clicking ‘place order’ compared to the immeasurable sacrifice and devotion they have given to our company? Surely, this level of commitment deserves a personal assistant, a daily foot rub, and possibly a butler named Jeeves to cater to their every whim.

The “Loyalty” Discount Cult (Ahem, I Mean… Program)

So, the company—being ever so generous—decides to offer a massive discount as a “thank you” for their business. It’s a solid deal, really. A structured, clearly outlined discount, meant to reward long-time customers while still keeping the company in business.

But is it ever enough?

Absolutely not.

Oh no, because once a discount is introduced, the entitlement beast awakens. Suddenly, these “VIPs” start acting like the company should be naming a building after them, erecting statues in their honor, and offering them free products for life. Because, in their minds, five years of ordering shampoo or nail-polish equates to the kind of loyalty that should override every written policy, term, and condition.

The Most Iconic Customer Request Hits, Featuring:

🎤 “I know the discount is only for subscription items, but I want it on all purchases, including this one-time order. Because… I’ve been with you guys forever.”

🎤 “I’ve been with you for five years, I should get this for free. Don’t you think?”

🎤 “I know the promo expired, but I just found it in my email, so you should honor it. I mean, it’s only fair.”

🎤 “I deserve a higher discount than new customers because I’ve spent so much more money. Just check my account and you’ll see I should be treated differently.”

They say these things with conviction, as if I, a glorified keyboard warrior just here to press buttons, have the ability to rewrite the company’s financial policies on their behalf.

The “I’m Having a Bad Day, So Let Me Ruin Yours” Phenomenon

Oh, but the real magic happens when they’re having a bad day and decide that we, the unfortunate souls in customer service, must be the human punching bags they need to take out their stress on.

They don’t just want discounts. They want therapy. They want validation. They want us to absorb their existential crisis through the phone lines and telepathically restore balance to their lives.

And, of course, nothing fuels their entitlement more than subscription management.

The Subscription Spiral of Doom

Here’s a conversation I have at least five times a week:

Customer: “I’d like to stop my subscription for now.”

Me: “Would you like me to cancel it for you or…”

Customer (rudely cutting me off mid-sentence): “I DON’T WANT TO CANCEL. That would delete all my info. Five years of loyalty gone to the trash just like that? I said PAUSE IT!”

Ah yes, because pausing a subscription should be treated like some kind of sacred ritual, full of reverence and careful negotiation.

Let me be brutally honest for a second—I do not care what you do with your subscription.

Pause it, cancel it, sacrifice it to the gods—it truly makes zero difference to me. I am not personally invested in your nail growth, your vitamin intake, or whether you continue receiving our holy, blessed product in the mail every month.

And yet, somehow, customers manage to turn this into a personal crisis.

Let’s Set the Record Straight, Shall We?

1. Your five-year relationship with this company does not make you my boss, my best friend, or my problem. I am here to adjust your settings, not mend your emotional wounds.
2. I don’t care if you cancel or not, Susan. I’m just here to fix your subscription status, not manage your personal crisis.
3. Your bad day is not my burden to carry. I am already carrying my own stress—most of which comes from jobs like this.

What really gets me is the absolute audacity of some customers who act as if I should be grateful for their call.

“Oh, but without customers, you wouldn’t have a job!”

Ma’am, without this job, I would have peace.

Loyalty ≠ Free Pass to Be a Nightmare

Look, we appreciate your business. Really, we do. But let’s be clear: five years of orders does not entitle you to endless perks, discounts on things that don’t qualify, or the right to talk to us like we’re your personal servants.

You don’t see Target giving someone a free TV just because they’ve been shopping there since 2017. You don’t see Amazon sending someone a lifetime Prime membership because they placed their first order five years ago.

So no, I will not be rolling out a red carpet for you, combing your hair, and personally licking your boots. You can take the discount that was generously offered, follow the same rules as everyone else, and kindly lower your expectations to a reasonable level.

You’re a valued customer, but at the end of the day, we customer experience servants are just a number to the company.

And if we’re being brutally honest? You’re just a number to me too.

Sincerely,
Your emotionally exhausted, mentally checked-out customer service representative